Many people focus on their looks a little too much, in this age of social media and selfie culture, where not only how people look in terms of their appearance matters but how they look in terms of their lifestyle and social status. But being the best version of you also means inside, not just outside.
Indeed, one of the core missing ingredients in terms of this shift of focus is found in who a person is on the inside, after all, we’re all told not to judge a book by its cover and that it’s what on the inside that counts – yet, in this narcissistic age, many people are focused way too much on the outside than on the inside.
This article, therefore, aims to bring some balance to this dynamic by looking at being the best version of yourself on both the inside and the outside. In many ways it comes down to being more attractive, as whilst the best version of yourself is a multifaceted statement that could take into context your altruism, ambition, intelligence, career and so on; for this article, we’re looking at this mostly from an attractiveness perspective.
INTERNAL: FOCUS ON SELF-CARE
Self-care can mean so much. It can be taking the day to yourself to enjoy your favourite hobby. Or it can mean spending time with those who are closest to you. On the other hand, it can also mean getting away from toxic relationships. Sometimes those relationships are with people and other times they can be with substances.
You can also learn a new skill. Learning a new skill is both a pleasant and productive distraction because you can take this time to unplug, unwind, and have me-time by yourself. A great idea is to acquire a hobby that makes use of your hands like lock picking. You can start learning with a beginner lockpick set. It is a difficult hobby but once you cracked your first lock, it is one of the most rewarding feelings in the world.
The thing about substance abuse issues (or mental health issues) is that success is higher if you don’t go down that road alone. When one thinks of our self-care we think it’s something that has to be done on our own but it usually takes a team of professionals to help us get to recovery. Whilst a therapist can help us understand what our issues may be a life coach during recovery can help us use that knowledge and put it into practice to better our lives.
EXTERNAL: SKINCARE
Your skin says a lot about you, in the sense that it says a lot about your internal state of health, yet for most people, it’s a way to judge the attractiveness of a person. Nobody wants a face riddled with acne when they are young and nobody wants grey, dull and tired looking skin that creases and wrinkles with age.
In this sense, no matter what age you are, we all want better skin and will spend a small fortune on trying to get the best results. A lot of skincare is focused on the external, with the application of face masks and other lotions, many of which promise a miracle cure yet leave much to be desired.
The truth is, a lot of times poor skin comes down to dehydration. The thing with dehydrated skin is that it requires a two-pronged approach; first, you need to moisturise and replenish your skin from the outer surface – ideally with a natural product such as pure aloe vera gel that feeds your skin with a ton of vital nutrients.
The second part of hydrating your skin is to simply ensure you are drinking enough water each day, as your skin is an external reflection of what’s going on inside your body – think of a condition such as psoriasis, which is ultimately an immune system issue rather than a skin issue; it’s the external manifestation of an internal issue. Drinking plenty of water is one of the best ways to ensure you keep your skin hydrated. In fact, one of the leading causes of dark circles around your eyes is due to dehydration.
INTERNAL: HAVE A POSITIVE IMPACT
When it comes to being the best and most attractive version of yourself on the inside, you want to try to have a positive impact – and uplift people. Endeavour to leave people, places and things better than you find them.
For instance, let’s say you are going to the supermarket checkout – the person behind the counter is bored and despondent; you could easily reciprocate this energy and both of you just feel a bit flat and underwhelmed… or, you could engage with this person, on a human level and ask about something meaningful (not how’s their day going, or how are they, as this isn’t really very engaging).
You could ask about their plans for the weekend, or what they’re up to after they get off work – and presuming they don’t think you’re hitting on them, the benefit to this is that you are shifting their focus toward a happier time… meaning, their state will be instantly improved.
Having a positive impact on people you come into contact with doesn’t have to be a long drawn out arduous feat; it can be as simple as a smile or as direct as a well-intended compliment that brightens their day.
EXTERNAL: BODY
Perhaps one of the most noticeable and important things about your external appearance is that of your body. We are all judged on our appearance when it comes to our size and shape by others, yet sometimes the harshest and most significant critic can be yourself.
See, when you feel “in good shape” and fit, you tend to have more confidence and higher levels of self-esteem… whereas, when you feel you have let yourself go, it’s just not a very empowering feeling. Indeed, having a “good body” can make the difference between walking with your head held high or bowed down toward the ground.
The interesting thing, however, is that there’s a crossover when it comes to this being an internal and external thing. The truth is, the feeling of making progress is what makes people happy with their body; for instance, you can have an athlete that hasn’t exercised for a few months, but is still very toned and physically attractive – who feels dreadful about their appearance… and a person who is twenty stone overweight, who has recently lost five stone — and they will feel on top of the world, much more confident, and with higher levels of self-esteem.
The interesting thing, therefore, is that it’s not just about having a “good body”, it’s about how you feel about your body, and a lot of this comes down to the feeling of making progress toward a goal.
INTERNAL: FOCUS ON GIVING RATHER THAN RECEIVING
Feeling attractive on the inside has a lot to do with how you treat others, but it also comes down to how well you treat yourself.
Before we focus on being kind and generous to other people, let’s first take a look at being kind and generous to yourself.
We are often our own worst critic, and we fail to recognise the good in ourselves – very rarely do we pat ourselves on the back and consider just how well we are doing in a particular area, instead, we beat ourselves up and focus on all the things we haven’t done, need to do, or should be doing. In this sense, we focus much more on the “lack” in our lives.
In terms of being kind and generous with yourself, a lot of this comes down to being gentle with yourself and appreciating the good in yourself. You can nourish yourself with kind words and be generous in terms of rewarding yourself for jobs well done – whether this is with a glass of your favourite wine, a nice meal, a little gift, or even just a bubble bath.
The thing is unless you are first kind and generous with yourself – you’re not going to be able to be that way with other people; it’s a lot like how aeroplane pilots tell us to first put on our own gas masks before trying to help other people.
The, when it comes to helping other people, you want to try to be as kind and generous as possible; thus your focus should be on creating value for the other people, and treating each of your relationships as a place to “give” rather than a place to “get”; meaning, your focus is so much about meeting the needs of others, that in turn, they will (hopefully) reciprocate and create value in your life.
Tony Robbins suggests the “secret to living is giving”, meaning the most fulfilled a person can feel is when they are in a state of giving – rather than receiving.
EXTERNAL: HAIR
Your hair says a lot about you, as the style in which you choose to have your hair presents an image of who you are as a person. Furthermore, the condition of your infers how much you care about your appearance, and are on top of your appearance which is indicative of how much you are on top of your life.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but we all know that one of the first things we notice about someone is their hair. For this reason, you want to consider treating your hair to a replenishing hair mask from time to time, or simply rubbing organic coconut or jojoba oil into your scalp overnight (with a shower cap on) in order to nourish and replenish your hair.
Then, when it comes to styling, you want to find a hairstyle that conveys the impression you wish to present to the world – and keep on top of your hair, in terms of getting it regularly trimmed, as this is similar to trimming your garden lawn; you don’t want to look unkempt.
INTERNAL: LAUGH MORE
The benefits of smiling and laughter are many, yet sometimes it can be hard to laugh when we are feeling down. The interesting thing, however, is that if you are feeling down and you watch a funny movie or are around someone that genuinely makes you laugh – you can’t help but feel uplifted. The same is true when it comes to your effect on other people; in that, if you can pick them up and get them into a state of laughter, you will become instantly more attractive to that person; bringing out the best in them and yourself.
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