There’s a lot of dating advice out there that couldn’t be further from reality. The generic, one size fits all advice you read in the glossy mags can seem like a far cry from how things truly work in the real world. With so many self-help dating books on the market, it’s difficult to know whether one should rely on the advice one sees in print or just thrown caution to the wind and try to figure things out on your own. I’ve done a little bit of both in the past. Ok, I’ve done a lot of both in the past. I’ve read many a self-help book, and lots of them have been dating books that I thought would give me that edge to be able to decipher what a guy truly meant with his words and actions. I naively thought that reading the signs someone likes you was a convoluted process and needed all the “professional” help I could get. Today, I whip out my stash of books and with the intention of saving you time and precious brain cells I share with you what I learnt in terms of how to read the signs that someone likes you according to the plethora of books that have graced my nightstand at one point or another of dating life in my 20’s.
He’s Just Not That Into You
When I read this book, and watched the film of the same name, I was quite appalled at how men could be so ruthless. The premise of this book, written by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo (writer and a consultant that worked on Sex and The City) is that it’s quite simple to know if a man is into you or not. All you need to do is take what they say at face value and read the signs and Bob’s your uncle, as they say. Whilst it would be so uncomplicated to be able to read from a manual, life isn’t really like that.
“He’s just not that into you if he’s not calling you”
According to the book, if a man doesn’t call you, you guessed it, he’s just not that into you. By that logic if he does call you it should mean that he does like you, right? Things aren’t always so black and white and while maybe it should be this cut and dry, it’s not. With the pace of our lives nowadays, and more people being content and/or used to being single a phone call or text shouldn’t determine the entirety of a relationship. The intensity in which one goes into dating is not always good for our state of mind.
If he’s calling you or texting you, even if it’s not on the daily, then take your intuition out of your back pocket and ask yourself if this feels right. The calling game, and waiting x amount of days game is so overplayed and lame that it should be chucked out the window never to be seen again. In this scenario let your intuition win. You can tell a lot about a person by their actions much more than their intentions. It may sound contradictory, but if he is calling you and then not spending time with you well, that is more telling than whether a man calls you constantly and isn’t even bothered about truly getting to know you.
A man’s perspective: “Sometimes it may not occur to women that men are people with the same types of feelings, worries, or hang-ups that women have. Every person is an individual and sometimes a man might not call as much as you would like, or “chase you” because he is concerned about his effort not being reciprocated. Men also fear rejection.”
Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man
This Steve Harvey book made the rounds in my office many years ago, and this matter of fact book tells you that you need to get into the mindset of a man to be able to truly have the relationship you want. One of those nuggets was very straight to the point – “We men are very simple people: if we like what we see, we’re coming over there. If we don’t want anything from you, we’re not coming over there. Period. Please highlight this part right here so you can always remind yourself the next time a man steps to you: a man always wants something. Always. And when it comes to women, that plan is always to find out two things: (1) if you’re willing to sleep with him, and (2) if you are, how much it will cost to get you to sleep with him.”
The fact that he is making it obvious that he is attracted to you raises the question, “does he really like me, as in, me, not my body, not my looks, me”. The answer to that is that just because he is making it obvious that he likes your appearance and wants something physical doesn’t mean that he isn’t interested in you as a person. For him, that physical attraction that he feels for you might be a gateway to something much more meaningful. But don’t just jump into physicality head first for the sake of landing the guy. Use your sensibility and get a feel for whether he is looking for a physical relationship or is in it for more.
Not every stereotype comes from a book. Online you will find page after page of dating advice from dating gurus and psychologists, many of whom may just be looking for an opportunity to promote themselves via a popular topic that they know will get many views. The reality is that you need to trust yourself more than you trust anyone who thinks they may know what’s good for you. If you have a genuine interest in getting to know someone for who they are, and you feel that is being reciprocated then you really have nothing to lose as long as you don’t sell yourself short. At the end of the day, most men and women want the same things from life; love, quality companionship, and someone whose time they enjoy sharing. Most of the signs that we’re looking for are quite obvious. If someone is interested in you bringing the best out in them and vice versa then just take it slow, take it steady, and good times will follow.