Where I come from people tend to things a bit backwards. I’m not from a backwards city, not at all. But the chronology of some people’s love lives tends to be quite skewed. You get married in your early 20’s and by your early 40’s you have a marriage under your belt, and the subsequent divorce to go with it, adult kids, or those on the verge of adulthood, and a whole lot of enthusiasm for discovering this new and independent way of life.
I’ve had friends who have discovered dating in their 40’s and I’ve been there to observe the trainwreck every step of the way. So, what can those of you who are 40+ and entering the dating world learn from my friends? I’ve quite a lot of observations to share with you in hopes that you can gracefully enter the dating world in your 40’s.
Don’t Turn into a Party Girl
The worst thing that I’ve seen is when a woman goes from 40 years of being a relatively calm woman to being an overnight sensation at the bars and pubs. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying life and letting your hair down, but I’ve seen this new party girl persona lead some to spiral into a revolving door of drinks and men, usually in that order.
You don’t have to feel the need to prove yourself by jumping into the deep end of the proverbial dating pool. Statistically, the ratio of men to women is currently at 1:1 on average, so there’s no need for desperation. On top of that, the men that are attracted by this persona tend not to be more than party mates looking for the same, so you’re really not helping your cause. Chances are you won’t find anything but prats in that environment, that I tell you from experience, so maybe let’s give that a rest.
That’s the biggest no-no, but instead of focusing on the negatives this is what you may be better off doing.
Take it Slow
You know that revolving door of drinks and men? Let’s shut it and open a smaller one. One with a doorman, and a very exclusive invite required to get in. The mistake I’ve seen my friends make is attempting to make up for time they deem lost and eagerly rushing into, well, whatever really. All for the sake of feeling like they are not alone. Date men that your friends set you up with. Group date and get to know people through mutual friends. Go on a date with someone you meet online. Whatever you do don’t rush into it and feel that you need to fill this new man-shaped gap with whatever person is seemingly willing and available.
Enjoy Your Time Alone
Being newly single at this stage in life can seem daunting. A lot of time you don’t know what you like – not only when it comes to men but when it comes to life, really. A long-term relationship can leave some people with no identity and the best time to discover who you are, and what you want from life moving forward is to get to know yourself again. You can still date through this time but do so in a manner that fits into your new found renaissance. You can delve into your hobbies, take on a solo travel adventure, or even just do something for yourself that you never did in the past but always wanted to do.
Try Online Dating
If you were coupled up before the online dating revolution took over then this novelty is probably one to consider. From Tinder to proper online dating sites you can find a dating site to fit in with your hobbies and though it may not lead to true love (maybe it will, who knows) you can at least know that you’ll be dating someone who has similar interests as you.
Dating can be a challenge at any age, but I truly think that dating in your 40’s can be fun and enjoyable whilst still remaining age-appropriate and dignified.