It’s that time of year where Susan from accounts brings out her famous tinsel hat and forces everyone to get in the Christmas spirit. No doubt, you’ve got a stack of work to be getting on with but the draw of her Christmas cheer and persistence to get involved ultimately gets you in the mood.
With that, no doubt you’ll be asked to take part in the office’s Secret Santa. Now, if you’re like most you’ll get the person you’ve picked something that means something to them and is very personal. However, you could always take the other option of getting something a little risqué that will no doubt split the office. Some will find it hilarious and others inappropriate (those people are boring!). Here’s a rundown of some of the rudest Secret Santa gifts on offer!
Looking pretty innocuous, this banana is pretty innocent until you pull the skin off. This handy little member turns into a water gun which you will be able to make squirt on demand.
Naked Lady Playing Cards
A classic from the 70s, the naked lady playing cards is ideal for the office stud or geek, depending on how they are with the ladies. Displaying some very bushy images, no doubt they’ll be brought out when the office needs a deck of cards in the future.
Sexy Apron with Boobs
A one for the culinary expert of the office, who always brings in their own gourmet home-made lunches. It might be rude, but it would make a great talking point when the office tries their hand at a very own company bake-off. Also, no doubt you’ll be shown the images from Christmas day when they’ve worn it to carve the turkey.
Christmas Junk on the Hunk
A rude secret santa take on the classic Pin the Tail on the Donkey. The Christmas version of the Pin the Junk on the Hunk will get some laughs when it’s pulled out at the office Christmas party. You’ll finally get to see how Susan from accounts handles a yuletide log.
Not only are they a rude idea for a fantastic Secret Santa gift, but it also doubles up as something great on cold winter nights. Just make sure your pick is prepared to explain what those little things are on the end to whoever asks.
Another corker of a game. The jizz game is simple: spin the first dial to see where to aim, the second to see how many pumps and hope the load isn’t shot on their face. Just make sure the person getting it will not be offended at being frosted like a cake.
This nice little stocking filler leaves a nice taste in your mouth when you such it. The lolly, which comes hard, might take a while but suck it for long enough and it’ll leave you wanting more. It’ll be the best thing Susan has sucked all year.
Ideal for the one person who always seems to be drinking coffee, the Willy mug will doubt get a good few laughs from the office. Just make sure it’s not left in the communal cupboard in case it’s offered to an office visitor – might not go down too well.
Much like the Willy slippers, this will no doubt keep the recipient warm during those cold, lonely nights. Ideal for the girl who is always cold (being single is optional) in the office. Just make sure if she keeps it at work the boss doesn’t see.
For more gift ideas, or looking to purchase some novelty/rude gifts in general, then head over to and see what Last Night of Freedom has to offer.