This is article 3 of a 5 part series on dealing with mental health and relationship issues during Covid-19 in partnership with ReGain and BetterHelp. You can check out part 1 of the series here – https://www.mydreamality.com/mental-health-issues-during-covid-19/ and part 2 here – https://www.mydreamality.com/relationship-issues-during-covid-19-intimacy/. In this post we discuss 5 signs that your marriage is over.
In our last article we discussed the relationship issues we can experience due to the stressors of Covid-19. Being under stress and being confined with our significant other can lead to struggles and intimacy issues ranging from emotional to physical. But what do we do when we feel that this quarantine has been a catalyst for us to really examine our relationship more thoroughly? Do you feel like maybe there’s more wrong with your marriage or relationship than you really thought? In this post we are discussing 5 signs that your marriage is over.
5 signs that your marriage is over
1) Lack of Intimacy
We discussed this in our last post, but lack of intimacy is usually the biggest sign that your relationship may be over. That being said, there are different ways that we show intimacy. And there can also be different causes that can lead us to not be intimate with our partners. If emotional intimacy is what is lacking it could be because of overexposure. If it’s physical intimacy that is missing factors like an underlying health issue, low self-esteem, or an overal lack of libido can be the cause.
These are all valid reasons to refrain from intimacy with your partner, but the problem get serious when you choose not to be intimate with them and would prefer to be intimate with someone else. Many times it’s not the act of physical infidelity that can lead you to feel like your marriage is over – sometimes being somewhere else mentally can be just as telling.
It’s been said that resentment breeds contempt. Contempt is one of the biggest indicators that a relationship is over. The destruction that contempt causes can be very difficult to come back from. In a situation where contempt is front and centre, both parties feel like the aggrieved party and it can be difficult for them to heal.
When we bring this level of disrespect into the relationship we are essentially saying that no matter what you do, you are just not good enough. These personal attacks on our partner can be soul destroying and are abusive and hurtful. This article talks more about disprespect in marriage and when to draw the line.
On the other hand, if we are the person who is reacting to our partner with contempt then we are doing so because we feel that we have been aggrieved in a very serious way. Many times it’s only a natural reaction to our feelings of resentment and hurt.
Either way, the cycle tends to repeat itself and the poison of contempt just gets more and more venemous.
3) Lack of personal responsibility
During arguments most of us tend to get defensive and hit back with criticism towards our spouse. Despite this being the wrong way to go about things we can usually move past this and brush off criticism. It is easier to do when the problem is something practical within the home or something that doesn’t carry that much weight in the grand scheme of things.
What do we do when the issues at hand are more serious and there is a lack of personal responsibility for things that have gone wrong in the relationship? The lack of acceptance of ones own faults in the relationship can be as detrimental as the issues themselves.
If neither party accepts responsibility for their part then there just isn’t any way of moving forward.
4) Dealing with the same issues again and again
If you find yourself bringing up things that happened 5 years ago, you could be dealing with resentment due to unresolved issues. Whilst many couples tend to forgive and move past any big problems, very seldomly can both parties truly forget.
If you are dealing with the same issues repeatedly it is a sign that they need to be dealt with once and for all. One of the best ways to do this is with professional help. You can get professional help online now, which can be a big help during this time of self-isolation and quarantine.
5) Refusal to get help
If your partner refuses to get help it can be because they refuse to acknowledge that the relationship is as far gone as it really is. This isn’t neccessarily because they are being purposely difficult. It can be very hard to accept things from the prespective of our other half. Which is why seeking professional help can sometimes be the right way to get your partner to see your point of view while allowing you to see theirs.
As you can see, these reasons all tend to segue into each other and no one reason is solely the cause of your marriage deteriorating. In the next post we will discuss rebound relationships and how soon is too soon to get into a new relationship after you heed the signs your marriage is over.